Home for the holidays. Which fashionable Martian will your family meet?
Ah, Milan—the coolest city in the world. The Duomo, the Navigli canals, Salone del Mobile… But above all, fashion. Milan is life-changing, and when it comes to fashion, you couldn’t be happier to let yourself be brainwashed by the iconic city.
Many come to Milan ready to study fashion. They brace for the cold; they anticipate the rush of the city. Of course, they prepare for the highs and lows of studying fashion at university, the all-nighters, the sewing, the sketching. But are they prepared to go back home for the holidays?
Fashion school's epic journey - triumphs, defeats, highs, lows. A humorous take on the intense, transformative experience. Meme courtesy of the author
Returning home after months, or even years, of living in a fashionable city like Milan can be an out-of-body experience. You get home wearing your Tabis or fur coat, and what do your parents think? Their child has been replaced with a hairy alien with hooves!
All fashion students are aliens when they go back home. But, of course, not all aliens are made the same. Which one are you?
The Hooved Martian
The Hooved Martian. Collage courtesy of the author
There’s no feeling like getting your first pair of Tabis. It’s a true baptism into the fashion world. The Hooved Martian is the person obsessed with high luxury, unafraid to try the weirdest and latest trends growing in Milan. They’re the ones who get stared at the most when they go back home. Parents will gaze at their hooves—sorry, Tabis—asking, “Why, Gosh, why are you doing that to your feet? How can you walk?” The Hooved Martian doesn’t care. They’re happy in their own weird ways.
The One from the Past
The Alien from the Past. Collage courtesy of the author
Einstein put forward the theory that time is relative, and he was absolutely right. Sometimes, the aliens that come to Earth are technically from long, long ago. So, the research they have done on Earth seems to be a little outdated. The aliens that come from the past dress like they are straight out of an old movie. They arrive home, and their parents can’t help but recognise themselves in them—they’re practically wearing their closet from the ‘80s! Shoulder pads, big hair, and a taste for the past make this alien blend in with anyone who grew up in the late 20th century.
The Social Butterfly from Venus
The Social Butterfly from Venus. Collage courtesy of the author
Carrie Bradshaw once wondered, “Are women from Venus and men from Mars?” Well, this alien is definitely from the former. Glitter, sparkle, and lots of designer items are what this alien feels most comfortable with. The iconic Carrie herself is one of their biggest style influences. Being from Venus means always being in fashion and dealing with the heat of the planet; they always have a Cosmopolitan in hand.
E.T. Wants to Come Home
E.T. Wants to Come Home. Collage courtesy of the author
There’s always that one alien that feels more comfortable back where they were from. It’s the student that just can’t wait to be back home, feeling cosy in their Levi’s and an oversized sweater, enjoying their family’s food and warmth. After all, there’s no place like home, right?
The One That Got Forced to Go Back
The Martian That Got Forced to Go Back. Collage courtesy of the author
There’s always that one Martian that doesn’t want to be there. They’ll put sunglasses on and pout in a corner, wondering why they are there when there are much better parties where they come from. This alien loves an all-black attire but wants to blend into the walls, always calling their friends to talk about all the fun they could be having together.
There you have it—the intergalactic journey of fashion students back home. Navigating through the bewildering stares of their uninitiated parents and the perplexed glances of hometown folks, each alien has a unique story to tell.
As these fashion-forward beings infiltrate the holiday scene, turning family gatherings into interstellar fashion shows, one can’t help but appreciate the cosmic irony. Milan, the fashion capital, transforms ordinary folks into aliens and holiday reunions into avant-garde spectacles.
Embrace your alien alter ego, fashionistas, and let the holidays be your runway back to the stars.
Constanza Coscia
Editor and alumna, Milan